#MomLife: Seasons change and so does life

The temperature is dropping and it is getting darker earlier now. Seasons are changing. In Michigan we get to experience all four seasons. Some may last longer than others, cough, cough Winter (eww) and some fly by in the blink of an eye, but nonetheless, we have four different experiences outside. I’ve noticed that being a parent is a lot like the four seasons. There is the pre-children season, the baby season, the child/teenager season and the adult child season.  

When Leif and I got married we decided right away that we wanted to have children as soon as we could. It took us over a year to get pregnant so we had some time of just the two of us being married and spending time together. It’s been 19 years since we got married but I still remember really enjoying my time with him. This is the pre-children season.

Before children we could do whatever we wanted. We could stop everything we were doing and decide at the last minute to jump in the car and drive somewhere. We didn’t have to get all of the baby stuff around and take an hour just to prepare to leave. We could hang out with friends. We could eat what we wanted when we wanted and never had to eat cold food because we weren’t interrupted by a crying baby who was also hungry. I really enjoyed my time alone with Leif but there was never a doubt in my mind that I wanted to have children.

As soon as the baby arrives your whole world changes. Now not only are you caring for yourself you are caring for another human being. You start to worry and stress and overthink things. What if I forget to feed the baby? What if I leave their dirty diaper on too long? What if I do a really bad job at this parent thing…the list of worries never ends. But in addition to worrying you also enter the season where your life revolves around that baby and you move into full mom mode. They depend 100% on you and so you officially enter the baby season.

The baby season is a fun yet tiring one. You get to experience all of the firsts but you also suffer from the often severe lack of sleep. Rolling, smiling, crawling, walking, talking. It all begins then. Looking back now I realize that I didn’t always leave time for myself when my kids were younger. I was mom but I forgot that I was also Steph and I wish I would have made more time when I was younger to experience life as Steph in addition to life as mom.

The child/teenager season comes as a surprise. Suddenly your baby is no longer a baby and they can start to do more things for themselves. You still have to guide them and be there for them as a parent, but you also don’t have to help them get dressed or eat anymore. They are able to do it themselves. Right now, Nathan is still in this season. Granted he is 14 now so he is nearing the end, I still have four more years of this stage with him. And I can tell you, I am going to soak every moment up that he will give me. You know when he’s not busy calling me “bruh” or playing video games.  

Cadence is at the very end of this season. At 17 she is nearing the finish line of childhood to move into adulthood. Let me tell you, having a 17-year-old is really freaking weird. She is a senior in high school so we are now talking about college and jobs and moving out and all of the things that come with graduating and becoming an adult. But at the same time, she is still a child and still needs her mom. Since she got her driver’s license she has become more independent and the helicopter mom in me has flown away a little bit and loosened up but I still find myself checking Life360 to see where she is even though I know that she is at school. I still check on her in the middle of the night when I wake up to go to the bathroom. I am still needed to help her make decisions or cook her dinner or even give her gas money when she spends all of her money online shopping. She still needs me for the time being.

The adult child season both scares and excites me. We are moving into the unknown. What will happen when they leave the nest? How will Leif and I feel being empty nesters? Will I stay best friends with Cadence like I am with my mom? Will Nathan eventually stop calling me ‘bruh’? It is all unknown right now. But what I do know is that this season of life is bizarre. Things are changing so rapidly that I can’t keep up with it. I am starting to accept that Cadence is switching over into this unknown season but it hasn’t been easy.

I honestly don’t know how I am going to feel when my children become adults and move out. I know there will be sadness involved but I also know that it is time. I have worked through three rapidly changing seasons and am almost ready to enter into the fourth one. I am excited to experience life with Leif and my adult children and their potential families. I am excited to see what path they choose to take and see them succeed. But I am also sad and scared because that baby and child stage is just memories on TimeHop now. Basically, I am nervous and excited and sad and scared all at the same time. But ultimately seasons and life change and it is very, very weird.

Steph Hightree is a hot mess mom who is fueled by stress and too much caffeine. She is a Three Rivers native who talks about the good, the bad, and well, everything else about parenthood.

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Any views or opinions expressed in “#MomLife” are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the Watershed Voice staff or its board of directors.