Good Grief. The Mother Wound, Part Three

Good Grief. is a dedicated space to explore how loss lives in our everyday lives and its impact on mental health. Written through the lens of lived experience, it examines the quiet ways grief shows up. In our bodies, our relationships, and the patterns we carry. Creating space for awareness, honesty, and repurposing pain.

If you haven’t read part one of The Mother Wound series, click here. You can find part two here.

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Some wounds are difficult to explain

because they came from the same place

a child was supposed to learn safety.

There is a particular kind of confusion

that happens when the person who gave them life

also made them feel small.

When criticism came before comfort.

When their dreams or emotions were mocked, dismissed, or minimized.

When love felt unpredictable.

A child does not naturally assume:

“Something is wrong with my parent.”

They assume:

“Something must be wrong with me.”

And that belief can settle deeply into the body.

They begin to brace for rejection

before it even arrives.

They become startled at the slightest change in tone.

In facial expressions.

Constantly gauging for shifts in energy.

Their nervous system learns:

safety can disappear quickly.

So they adapt.

They over-explain.

Become careful with their joy.

Sometimes even careful with speaking up.

Because being visible once felt dangerous.

And the body remembers that.

Even in adulthood.

The impact of overly critical and emotionally unavailable mothers can include:

anxiety during conflict

difficulty trusting compliments

fear of disappointing others

apologizing constantly

emotional shutdown

perfectionism

struggling to feel “good enough” even when they are trying their hardest

Sometimes they become incredibly accomplished…

and still do not feel like enough.

Because they were never given that validation.

Severe criticism from their mother became the foundation instead.

So they grew up questioning themselves.

Struggling with worthiness, validation, and the quiet ache of never fully feeling enough.

Still loving the mother they had, while grieving the mother they needed.

Healing from this kind of pain

is not about learning to hate the person who hurt them.

Sometimes it is simply about finally acknowledging:

“That hurt me.”

Without minimizing it.

Without excusing it away.

Because the truth is…

children should not have to earn gentleness.

They deserved it all along.

If any part of this feels familiar…

Just know:

Setting boundaries to protect yourself

does not make you difficult.

Aundrea Sayrie is a writer, narrator, advocate, and the creator of Good Grief., a reflective platform exploring grief, belonging, identity, healing, and intentional living through storytelling and spoken reflection. Drawing from lived experience, community advocacy, and creative expression, her work centers emotional honesty, connection, and giving language to the experiences many people struggle to name. She truly believes the only thing worse than hurting is hurting alone and hopes to be a companion to others through their healing journey. 

If you would like to support her work as an independent writer and creative, donations can be sent via Cash App: $Asayrie

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Any views or opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the Watershed Voice staff or its board of directors.